Ladies' Night
by Irhaboggles
Summary: Baby, Ballora, Mangle and Toy Chica decide to have a Ladies' Night, but right before they leave the pizzeria, they run into the nightguard. Mistaking him for their first ever female employee, they decide to take him on their little jaunt, but first, they have to make him beautiful! And what can he do except play along?


Circus Baby, Ballora, Toy Chica and Mangle had been in the process of beautifying themselves for a Ladies' Night and had almost made it to the door when they noticed the new nightguard trying to sneak out of his office. Because he was a thin, slight fellow, however, the robots mistook him for a fellow female under the dim light of the closed pizzeria.

"Huh! I don't think we've ever had a female nightguard before!" Toy Chica squeaked as she caught sight of the guard.

"Nor do I!" Mangle agreed, voice warbly as she nodded both of her heads in interest. "Wonder where she's off too?"

"Let's go find out," Baby replied, voice as soft and lilting as always as she took the lead back down the hall after the guard. Despite being so big and heavy, she was able to creep along the smooth tile without even making a sound. The others followed her willingly.

"Oh! It looks like she's trying to leave early!" Toy Chica gave a high-pitched giggle. Sure enough, the guard had found a back door and was in the process of trying to get out.

"Oooooh! Somebody's skipping!" Mangle laughed. "She'll be fired for sure if she makes it outside!"

"Well! We can't have that! Can we?" Baby asked almost sardonically.

"Or maybe, she just wants to take a quick break outside!" Toy Chica suggested. "Oooh! We should invite her to our Ladies' Night!"

"What? Invite a human?" Ballora demanded, finally speaking up for the first time that conversation. Even though her voice was low and soft, capable of no other intonation, the others could hear the disbelief in her words.

"Well I've always wanted to meet a female nightguard!" Toy Chica confessed, glancing hopefully at the nightguard still fiddling with the door. "I would very much like to meet her and I think she could be very friendly! It's been so long since we've talked to humans, after all!" she added.

"That's true," Ballora conceded, but the wariness in her voice was obvious. It was clear that she felt the most uncertain about humans.

"Oh, Baby! Can we bring her along? Please, can we bring her along?" Mangle asked hopefully, Toy Chica's excitement starting to get to her as well. Both of her heads swiveled to face their leader.

"Well, I suppose it can't hurt," Baby said thoughtfully. "And it _would _be fun!" she added.

"But the safety risks!" Ballora repeated fretfully. "Are you sure?" she asked as she reached out to touch Baby's massive metal arm.

"Yes, Ballora, I am sure," Baby promised her gently. "Don't worry. What harm could one little human do against all of us?"

"Well, she could call the cops for starters!" Ballora said.

"I can cause an interference with her phone," Mangle interrupted confidently. She used to have the power to radio for police on a whim, but that capability was destroyed long ago. It had been done in order to allow the mysterious Purple Guy to get away with more murders at their humble little pizzeria, but an unexpected side effect of his destruction of Mangle's police-calling capability was that now, under the right circumstances and with the right effort, she could mess with all cellular interference within a 50-foot radius.

"And besides, we won't even let her get that far!" Toy Chica promised, sounding equally confident.

"Come on, Ballora," Baby agreed with Toy Chica and Mangle. "Lighten up and learn to have a little fun! We'll be fine!" and Ballora was forced to let the issue drop. She could already hear it in Baby's voice that she had made up her mind and, as their leader, what she said was what happened. Even Baby acted as if she was waiting for Ballora's consent, she would have her way no matter what Ballora ultimately said. Knowing this, she only fell silent once more. Baby took that as an assent and shifted her facial plates into a smile.

"Excellent!" she said. "Let's get our fifth member…"

Five minutes later, the four robots and one terrified nightguard were sitting in the pizzeria's dress-up area, where the robots could put on costumes for shows and where kids could dress up to play along. The guard had, at first, shrieked like a girl when Baby suddenly snuck up on him (which helped further her notion that he really was a woman), but the moment she said that she was going to invite him on a little party with the other girls, he did his very best to play along, knowing that he'd never be able to escape their clutches through normal means.

"By the way, what did you say your name was, again?" asked Baby as she and the others sorted through any costume that would fit an adult human.

"J-J-Jeremey," came the terrified reply.

"Jeremy?" Baby snickered. "But that's a boy name!" Jeremy blinked in surprise at this little remark and opened his mouth to protest, but then he suddenly understood. Somehow, the four robots standing before him had somehow thought he was female and they were trying to make him a fifth member for their Ladies' Night. Realizing the importance of playing along, then, Jeremy quickly changed what he was about to say.

"Th-th-that's right!" he said, intentionally raising his voice an octave. "Mom just always wanted a son, so when she got a girl instead, she still gave me a boy name!" he lied. Mangle had since crawled over to him with a long robe. It was meant for someone much younger than him but, because he was so lanky, he would still fit into it.

"Here! This dress might fit ya!" Mangle warbled and Jeremy, for the sake of his life, tugged it on. He felt ridiculous, because it was pink and sparkly, but if it would keep the robots from learning his true identity, he was willing to deal with it.

"And I have some jewelry for you!" Ballora added a second later, spinning over to him with a handful of shiny objects. Some were plastic bits that had come from the kiddie dress-up area, but some were real bits of metal that Ballora had found over the years of working at the pizzeria. Some of them were real pieces of jewelry that mothers had lost over the years. Some were pieces that Ballora used to wear for her performances. And some were actually handmade by her from the scrap metal she could find lying around the old restaurant.

"Wow!" Jeremy pretended to gush as he embarressedly and reluctantly took the odds and ends from Ballora's metal hands. He trembled as he awkwardly put all the jewelry on, feeling even dumber than before, but still too scared to do anything except fuel the robots' mistake. He gulped as he continued to tangle himself in pearls, crystals and other feminine accessories. It was incredibly humiliating to him, but with Ballora standing there so expectantly, he forced himself to don every last item she handed him.

"You look so pretty!" Toy Chica giggled sweetly.

"Hehehe, thanks!" Jeremy cringed.

"Now it's time for your makeup," Baby said, lumbering forward with a comically tiny makeup pallet.

"Makeup?" Jeremy whimpered.

"Yes! Makeup!" Mangle laughed, then she and Chica did the honors. While Baby held the makeup and while Ballora listened, the two smaller, nimbler animatronics went to work in making Jeremy absolutely beautiful! Meanwhile, all he could do was sit there and take it as two weirdo robots slathered cheap girly makeup all over his face. Foundation, blush, contour, eyeshadow and liner. He had to admit, the robots knew a surprising amount about makeup, but that didn't make the experience any less awkward and uncomfortable for him.

"Ta-da!" the bots finally cried as they finished up the beautification. Then Ballora twirled over again with a little mirror in her hands. Jeremy took it and gave a nervous thanks before looking in. Ugh. He looked disgusting. And absolutely ridiculous. But he couldn't say that, so…

"I love it!" he lied with a fake giggle. At this point, it wasn't even the feminineness that made him uncomfortable, it was how ugly he looked too. But he supposed it made sense. Even if the robots knew all about feminine beauty, an old pizzeria wasn't exactly the best place to find right and proper dress-up and makeup stuff. Similarly, even if the robots knew all about feminine beauty as a concept, that didn't mean that they were very good at applying their knowledge. Case and point: how stupid and silly Jeremy looked in a teenager's princess dress, combined with a very messy makeup job. It was far better than anything Baby or Ballora could've done, Baby possessing very large fingers and Ballora's eyes perpetually shut, but Mangle and Toy Chica weren't exactly makeup gurus either. That became increasingly obvious the longer and longer Jeremy stared at his reflection only to see a freak staring back at him. Even a five-year-old could've done a better job! He looked so… smudgy and messy.

"Well then! I guess it's time to get going!" Baby clapped excitedly and the others echoed her happy cheers, including the reluctant and terrified Jeremy. But again, for the sake of his life, he did nothing except play along as his four new "friends" carried him straight out of the pizzeria and on to their little Ladies' Night.

**AN: Here you go, JBlaser, your little Ladies' Night fic with the bots mistaking the nightguard's gender. This was actually really cute and fun to write. Hope you like it!**


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